Government rebrands student debt as "education instalments" and extends repayments to cover an entire working life, insisting it is not a loan because they have changed the name.
Tech CEO solves the energy debate by pointing out humans also cost a fortune to train, take twenty years, and still can't find the butter.
The Treasury has unveiled plans for a 4% surcharge on all taxes paid, arguing that ''the infrastructure required to collect your tax also costs money, and someone has to pay for it.''
Senior officials are said to be exploring a per-window levy on residential properties, insisting the policy ''has precedent'' and that bricking up windows ''remains an option for the consumer.''
Britain''s national weather service has issued its first ''existential weather warning'' as forecasters admit they have simply run out of ways to say wet.
Artificial intelligence has replaced a quarter of a million UK workers and now earns a combined salary of £0, putting it in a lower tax bracket than a part-time dog walker.
A new survey of departing high earners says the main push factor is the presence of a Labour government, not the headline tax rate, prompting a rush on softer curtains abroad.
New five-tier alert system ranges from ''Damp'' to ''Atlantis'' as 90 flood warnings hit England simultaneously.
A fairer country where everyone is seen and valued, with wealth creation in every community. Release notes follow; rollout window to be determined.
Policy bundle announced: ILR set to 10 years, new citizens promised 160-year lifespans, and pregnancy 'streamlined' to 20 weeks. Great, Britain.
Britain shrugs at a central ID while face-scanning phones, clubcards and doorbells track most things already; Tesco has tomorrow’s dinner planned.
Reform UK gets its wish: ILR scrapped, benefits cut, "British-only" tax code, deportations promised. Result: jobs and spending flee; Treasury begs excluded taxpayers to return.
In a groundbreaking decision, the Monetary Policy Committee has identified 4% as the mathematical sweet spot for ensuring maximum public frustration across all demographics.
WalkrAI secures £50m funding for its Large Walking Models that offer "hyper-optimised pedestrian solutions" to the age-old problem of putting one foot in front of the other.
In a bold new move to tackle the nationwide productivity slump and rising domestic tensions, the government has announced a new "Spousal Support Scheme."
In a stroke of genius, the council has unveiled a new levy on residents who express dissatisfaction with existing levies, creating a 'perfectly closed financial loop'.
In a landmark policy shift, the Ministry of Housing has declared that any space with 'at least one wall and a general sense of shelter' now qualifies as a home.
Groundbreaking research suggests the restorative benefits of sleep can be fully replicated by staring at the ceiling and mentally replaying every mistake you've ever made.
Nation convenes outside a Post Office to democratically decide which queue to join next, pending a queue to vote on it; experts warn this could take all afternoon.
Ministers announce targeted drizzle to boost sales of umbrellas, kettles, and mild complaints across the UK.
Officials reassure public that a ‘multi-decade warm front’ is firmly pencilled in, subject to weather.
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